My sweet, darling boy. Oh how I miss you. So much has happened since you left us only one year ago. Have you seen how we've grown? How much we've learned and progressed?
Do you know how much your brothers and sister miss you? How much your Dad misses you? How much I miss you? There isn't a single day that goes by where I don't think of you. I never believed that my heart could actually physically hurt. Never thought it was possible. But oh how my heart aches at each and every thought of you. Every time I hear a baby cry, or see a mother with her newborn babe - my thoughts are immediately filled with you. How I will never hold you again. How I will never smell your sweet baby smell, kiss your tiny lips or feel your soft baby skin again. How I missed out on so many things. My arms yearn to hold you again. Oh, how they feel so empty without you to hold. Even now they know you are missing. They feel every moment you are away.
My little man, you are so very loved. Your brother and sister constantly pray for you (and your brother Tay) to come down from Heaven so that they can see you, talk to you, and play with you. Blakey even told me that he didn't even want all his toys for Christmas, all he really wanted was for you to come back home. Did you hear him? How much he misses you? Alli wants you back so badly. Do you see Alli cry for you when she asks about when she gets to see you again? Do you hear how she misses you? Do you even begin to realize how much you are loved? How much you are missed? I cannot wait for the day that we are reunited. How I look forward to the day where I can hold you again.
I only pray that I am worthy to be with you again. You (and your brother) are my driving force. My reasons to try. There are somedays where I think that all I do is not enough... and you must know how that breaks my heart. It is unthinkable that I might not measure up. Help me be the mother that you deserve. Remind me to be more patient. Remind me to be more kind and loving. Remind me of the things are important when it seems I have forgotten. Help me return to you my angel boy.
With all my love,