So... drumroll please... It isn't Kidney Stones, thank heavens. Could you imagine?! That's just be the icing on the cake. They did say there was a trace of bacteria that could mean an infection of some sort. I'm thinking it's Group B Strep 'cause I always test positive for that before delivery, and seriously... what else could it be? The nurse is thinking that the back pain is just due to the way that the baby is sitting. I'm thinking that I don't really care what it causing it, I just want it to stop. I asked the nurse to call in some more pain meds for me and she told me to start taking two pills instead of just one. I guess it will better to be nauseous rather than crying in pain. I gave the pharmacy until 2:30 to get the rx filled and then I when I went through the drive through they had no idea what I was talking about. There was no prescription under my name. Oh man... I was praying that it was a joke. I even asked the pharmacy tech if he was being serious. He apologized and tried looking to see if they lost it and according to him my Dr.'s office never even called! Honestly, like my sister said, I just can't catch a break! Well, the whole medication thing was the proverbial straw that broke the proverbial camel's back. I literally broke down right there in the Walgreen's parking lot.
What am I doing wrong? What did I do to deserve this? I've been in labor for weeks, and now this pain is just more than I can handle. Isn't it enough to be having a child with special needs? Isn't it enough to be in this position already? Why all the physical pain and misery on top of it? I feel like Heavenly Father is punishing me for some wrong deed I must have done. I've been trying to be positive and think happy thoughts and all that... but it just doesn't seem to be working. I've only let myself cry a few times since last November. There isn't anything that crying can fix. I don't want to feel sorry for myself. Its already a frustrating situation and behaving the way I have lately isn't making matters any better. Unfortunately, all you guys get to hear is my complaining and my frustration. Sorry about that- it just kinda comes out. But right now, all I have is pain to deal with. I think that as soon as I see my sweet baby boy all this will fade into the background and disappear. Hopefully. I mean, that sort of amnesia is what happens to mothers all the time... its why we have more babies. Once we see our baby's angelic faces, all the pain and misery seems to have never even happened. But right now, its call I can think about... finding a position that hurts the least.
I'm hoping that tomorrow's Dr. appointment will prove fruitful. Maybe all this pain won't have been for nothing. Maybe I'll go in and have been having back labor all this time and be dilated 3 centimeters. Maybe Dr. O will see that I just can't handle this anymore and take pity on me. Maybe I'll be having a baby tomorrow, or Thursday even. Maybe, maybe, maybe.