Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Let me tell you a story...

I’ve decided to temporarily change the nature of my family blog. From here on out, for the next 5-6 months or so, is going to be all about my thoughts and experiences during my current pregnancy. I will post my story in large chunks until I catch us up to the current situation. Please hold all questions until the end. :)

The following is a totally true story about my 5th pregnancy from peeing on that stupid stick up until now. It’s been one hello of a rollercoaster ride so far. Mainly just the kind that go up, up, up only to drop you straight back to earth, on your backside with no warning whatsoever. Really, it’s an extremely not fun rollercoaster. Trust me; you don’t want to ride it. But, talking about it helps me to deal with it, and I’m hoping that there are others out there who might benefit from my experiences and heartaches. If only one person is comforted, then I feel I’ve done my job. Even if that one person is me.

This particular story started this past summer. After losing 15 lbs I noticed that I had hit a plateau. Normal right? Sure. But then, one night while showering off after a 5 mile jog, I noticed that my tummy had gained about an inch overnight. Not cool. Especially while trying to be LOSING inches. Frustrated, I stewed about it for the rest of my shower. Then it was like being struck by lightening... when was my last period?! I couldn’t remember. Oh no – this is the part where my blood literally ran cold. I jumped out of the shower, and dove to my nightstand to check out the birth control pack. Sure enough, I should have started 5 days ago. Just a warning to all the ladies: do not take your birth control in the dark! Turn on a light or something. Because I took my pills at night, right before bed, I failed to notice that my blue pills were no longer blue and I was more than half way through the white! Crap. Even though it was eleven o’clock at night, I threw on some random pajamas, put my hair up (without brushing it mind you) and beat feet over to the nearest 24 hr. Walgreens and bough myself a pregnancy test. I’m not what you would call a patient person- I had to know NOW. I’m sure the lady at the checkout thought I was some sort of crazy person. I was a little disheveled to say the least.
Lucky for me I’m one of those people who has to pee pretty much every 15 minutes, so as soon as I got home I ran into the bathroom and dropped trou. It only took about 1 minute for my life to change. One measly minute. I didn’t even get the full two that the box promised me. Figures. Sixty seconds later, there they were, two pink lines, plain as can be. But that second indicator line looks a little faded right?! I mean, maybe I was reading it wrong. Yes, that’s it. I’m totally reading it wrong! I’m sure my husband will tell me that I’m just seeing things. After getting a second opinion from my afore mentioned spouse, who calmly agreed with the stupid stick, I burst into tears. It couldn’t be right. I went straight to the instructions and they weren’t helpful at all! In fact, they told me that it didn’t matter how faded the line looked, a line was a line, was a line.
My sobs then got louder. I was still trying to get into shape after my last pregnancy. My youngest was only 13 months old! I had plans for my photography, and plans for the house; plans for me! And now they were all gone. Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I didn’t want another child, but it just wasn’t the right time. I had wanted to wait at least another year before even thinking about another baby. Looks like Heavenly Father had other ideas.
My husband was awesome that night. He reassured all my doubts and fears, and told me that everything was going to be ok. We’d figure it out. Obviously this baby was meant to come here now. We should be happy.
It took me a few weeks, but eventually I was happy, excited even. The birth of my nephew in September was a big catalyst for my attitude change. That newborn smell, the coos and squeaks only a newborn can make. That soft, warm bundle of love in your arms. I couldn’t wait. I wanted it, and I wanted it bad. Lucky for me, I was already on my way!
The next couple of months were pretty uneventful. Besides getting a bigger belly, I didn’t have much to complain about. None of the usual aches and pains has started yet, so I was perfectly happy. Our next major step was the BIG 20 week appointment where we got to find out the sex of the baby. I was keeping my fingers crossed for a girl, and so was my only daughter (who said that she didn’t have enough love for another boy). She has three younger brothers, one of which passed away at birth from a fatal neural tube defect called Anencephaly- which is a whole other story, for another day. Honestly, I think she’s been feeling a little out numbered lately and I can’t blame her. My sisters are my best friends, and I want my little girl growing up with the same relationships I did. Oh, I hoped this baby was a girl, BAD! I just had to wait until November 9th.


grammaDawn said...

Even knowing the story, I can't wait for it to unfold. loveyoumeanit!

Jolene said...

GrammaDawn has said it all perfectly. I can always be found in your corner no matter what.

neenerneener said...

i agree with mom....why did you have to stop there...i'm on the edge of my seat and i know the rest so far!!

leslie mae said...

Oh Bree!! Congratulations! I am anxious to hear the rest of this story!! And, of course, I am hoping and praying for a happy ending!