Wow. It's been awhile, huh?! Thanks to stupid virus creators (may they all burn in you-know-where), my computer has been rendered completely useless for the past week and a half or so. Awesome, I assure you. So, big THANK YOU to Whit for lending me her laptop - without which this post would not be possible!
Things have been pretty crazy round these part lately. Visitors, phone calls, and lots and lots of help. It's been amazing! I'm so grateful for everyone who's so selflessly served my family. It's really been such a huge help and a big stress reliever. So thank-you, thank-you, thank-you for all of you who have been there for not only me, but my family also.I've sent out thank you cards, but I'm positive I have missed someone (it's so like me to forget at least one person).
Last week was probably one of the best weeks I've had since this stupid bed-rest thing started. My mom, younger sister and baby nephew came to visit for an entire week! They helped clean, cook, shop and do all of the chores that had been building up. It was so much fun! Well, all of it but the them bossing me around part. ;) I kid, I kid!
Along pregnancy lines, I'm still contracting. Movement has begun to really make the contractions pick up so I've tried to get up and move around as little as possible. What's really been painful is the top of my stomach. Stinkin' nerves are stretched too tight and it feels like I've been hit across the top of my stomach and sides by a baseball player aiming for the parking lot, using a two by four. Yeah... OUCH!
I'm up to weekly appointments with the good 'ole Dr. now and lasts week's visit brought some crazy news. Dr. O wants to take me off the Nifedipine (the medication keeping my contractions under control) at the end of THIS week, and then let what happens, happen. I go in to see him again tomorrow and I'm thinking that we're going to discuss all the nitty gritty details. I'm thinking that I'll be having Archer this weekend, or hopefully Monday the 27th (which just happens to be the same birthday as two of the coolest people I know, my sister and my honorary nephew- hey Neen and Mack!). More than likely, it'll be a scheduled C-Section on Tuesday. IF I make it that far. Big BIG IF. Personally, I don't really care when as long as all the proper people are able to be there (Dr.s and specialists included).
Honestly though, I'm totally freaking out. I don't think that I'm ready for this. My life, my family's life... it's about to be rocked. Archer is going to require a lot of care (read: time and attention). I'm worried about balancing my time between each of my children and husband, taking care of my home, and taking care of myself. When I type it out, it doesn't seem like much... but it makes my head hurt just thinking about it. How am I going to do this? Am I really strong enough to handle all that is about to come? Answers to those questions remain yet to be answered. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. Did I say I don't know?! Well, I don't.
So, can I tell you a secret? Promise not to tell anyone? I'm scared. Truly, scared out of my mind. There are so many aspects of this whole situation, none of which I have ANY control over. It's unbelievably frustrating. So many questions that cannot be answered. I don't want Archer spending time in the NICU, but what if that's the only time we get with him? I don't want his whole life to be spent under machines and full of tubes. What if he passes away while I'm spending my required hour in recovery from the C-Section? I know it's selfish to think this way, but I want him to be beautiful to everyone, not just me... but what if he isn't? What if people are scared of him because of his disabilities? What if people are scared to hold him, or touch him? I don't want any one's pity, nor do I want any one feeling sorry for me... but what if that's all I get? Guys, really... this is scary stuff. How am I going to do this? One day at a time, I guess. Right?!
I guess I'm going to find out here really soon. Which is crazy! It all seems a little surreal. I can't believe that this is all happening so soon. I thought that I would have more time to prepare myself, that I'd be a little more ready... but I'm not. SO totally not.
So, my question to you: Any words of advice for me?