Thursday, December 10, 2009

No Picture...

Just a bit of rambling today. Hey... this isn't like a picture book or anything. It's my thoughts, feelings and day-to-day doings. You should be grateful if I choose to share pictures with you. It takes a lot of work (for me) to do that. If you don't like how I do things, then go away (no not really... I don't really like posts without pictures either). But, I can't always have pretty pictures for you to look at. Who do I look like, Ansel Adams? Anne Geddes? Me Ra? Brooke Snow? Yeesh. I'm only human. Atleast, I think I'm only human. "Mom!? I'm human, right? Right?"

And please, please people. Tell me you understand that the above paragraph was JUST A JOKE! All in fun, promise. Anways, moving on...

Wow. I have a headache. A huge one that just won't go away.
"Go away headache. I do NOT like you!"

I just finished my second of three semesters for my LPN prereq's and I'm exhausted. For more reasons than one. "What do you mean?" you ask. Well, let me tell you... I spent an afternoon at the Dr.'s this week, and found out that I'm 12 weeks pregnant! Yes, you read that correctly, 12 weeks. Suprise... baby #4 is on his/her way! Well, suprise to all of you (most of you anyways). Not to me. I knew I was pregnant, I just wasn't sure about the week-age. Thank you. Thank you. As soon as I get big enough, you can bet your cute little butts that Kacey will be taking pictures for me. Considering how big I already am, it won't be long now. Next week (Dec. 16th) I go in for the BIG 1st ultrasound. This one is especially scary for me. It's when we get to see if everything is ok with the baby, and considering our baby history... we don't look forward to this US like most couples do. I'm very nervous... even though you can do everything right (take all your prenatals and folic acid) sometimes there are things that are totally out of your control. So, if everyone would just keep us in their prayers - that would be lovely.

I'm going out on a limb here. I feel like typing how I feel. And I just feel, oh what is the word I'm looking for? How about, I feel like I'm going to explode into a million little pieces. Ever feel like that? No. Well, good. I sure hope not. I hate it (I'm so glad my kids can't read. Hate is a naughty word in our house) It seems like everything is catching up to me, threatening to pull me under, and no matter how late I stay up, or how hard I work, no matter what I do... I just can't stay ahead of the game. It's not a good feeling. The house always needs cleaning, the laundry is always overflowing, the sink is full of dishes (again), the kids just broke something, breakfast, lunch or dinner is needing to be made, the list goes on and on... oh yeah... and just this morning the water lines to our washing machine froze and while I was washing the first load of laundry for the day, the suckin' thing spewed water all over my mudroom and kitchen. That's just what I needed. I had to use nearly every towel in my linen closest just wipe up the mess. Yuck. Please... just one more thing. Oh, what's that? Christmas is in two weeks? Really? And I haven't done ANY shopping yet?! No. That just can't be! {thinking... worrying my bottom lip... face frozen in horror} You're right, I haven't... not a single stinkin' thing! And not to mention I haven't even started doing my Christmas Cards. I need to pick up the pace. Afterall, "It's the most wonderful time of the year!" {singing at the top of my frazzeled little lungs} right?!

Ever feel like you're letting EVERYONE down? Yeah. I'm totally there. To everyone I know, I'm sorry. I feel like I'm made of a thousand tiny threads, and right now... I just can't keep myself together. I'm unraveling, and it's happening faster than I can put myself back together. Sorry if I've let anyone down lately. Truly and deeply... I'm sorry.

I think that I need a vacation. Far away. Somewhere warm, HOT even... with white, sandy beaches, warm crystal clear water, and drinks with umbrellas (hold the alcohol until after I have the baby... KIDDING... I don't drink... maybe ;). And lounge chairs, towels, and nothing to hear but waves crashing on the beach for miles and miles. Yeah {knodding head... eyes closed in pure relishment} Can't you just picture it?! Oh, and lots of reading too. Endless stacks of books. Yumm. Anyone want to join me? One rule. There is no schedule to keep up. No where to go. Nothing to do, but relax. Deal?! (Maybe that was more than one rule- oh well).

Speaking of books. Anyone read anything good lately? My Twilight series and the Host are worn completely out. I think I need something new. Any suggestions?

Phew! Just letting that all out makes me feel so much better. Now, don't think I'm going all crazy-psycho here. Everyone has bad days people. It's just, some people aren't afraid to talk about it - or admit to it. No need to call BHC or anything like that. I'm ok. Just needed to vent it out. Promise. Pinky swear. Mom and family who get it... Mormon's Honor ;)

Love you all. And if I don't talk with you in the next few weeks... Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! Hope I survive. {Insert evil laughter here}. Mwa-ah-ah-ah...

Gotta go tackle those dishes now. Yay. ;)

P.S. Found a picture for you. Isn't it just perfect for my post?! We just got up the Christmas tree and decorations this week. And here is one of my favorite ornaments (yeah, I made it):


Michelle said...

Congratulations on the baby!! That is exciting!! So when does that put you being due? I'll pray your US goes well and baby is healthy.

As far as the bad day goes, I totally understand. I had a bad week it seemed. Although I am holding off a cold (hopefully). Anyhow, good luck with staying alive and sane! :)

grammaDawn said...

Bree, just think, less than a week from now you'll be here and all your troubles will just melt away...that is if the temp. warms up, but I'm sure we're warmer than IF.
The other day I was in the shower, hair all lathered up and the water stops. No water anywhere in the house. 5:40 in the morning and Dad's gone to work.
No doubt about it, sometimes life sucks and you have a lot on your plate right now. But always remember, it's not important, to Heavenly Father, what's happening in your life. What does matter is how you handle it. I'm sure that's not what you really needed, or wanted to hear, but important to keep in mind.
I just read, The Christmas List and 90 minutes in Heaven. The first is a modern day Christmas Carol type story and the 2nd is supposed to be a true story about a minister that was in a horrible car accident. He was pronounced dead at the scene, came back to life and he describes his moments in "heaven" and his recovery.
Sorry long comment, and I even cut out half of it.
And yes honey, you are human. loveyoumissyoucantwaittokissyou!

Torman said...

Bree I love you!

derrickandlisadye said...

Congratulations!! How exciting that you are pregnant!! I have to say though, you overwhelm me. In a good way for you though. You are like wonder woman and I love to read about all the things you do, photography, school, family, you amaze me. I can't even keep up with just the basic things I have to do in life and I don't go to school or have a successful business. I sure hope you get that vacation. You would sure deserve it. Have a great week. Good luck with the shopping and I hope all is perfect with this precious little one on the way.

Stephanie said...

Girl! I totally know how you feel! I feel like I'm a mile behind everything that needs to get done. Between a needy hungry husband, a dirty and whiny 4 year old, a stinky teething 17 month old, the dishes, the laundry, the vacuuming and dusting, the grocery shopping, heading to Preschool, Christmas shopping, Christmas cards, Christmas decorating, blogging, sewing my rag quilts, feeding the dog, sweeping and mopping the floor, keeping up on my frugal website, shoveling snow, trying to sell things on ebay to earn extra money for Christmas, cooking breakfast, lunch, and dinner, cleaning up after a toilet overflows, and after all that is said and done, I still haven't taken a shower, my hair is greasy and I'm hanging out in my PJ's for the 3rd day in a row. Trust me girl! I know exactly how you feel :) It's overwhelming and exhausting, but when I'm tucking my kids into bed and I finally {JUST MAYBE} have time to read a few chapters in my book, I wouldn't trade my life for anything. I know that YOU feel the same way too!

Lacey said...

Okay, so i am obviously WAY behind on my blogging stuff. I just read this post!!!! Congrats on being pregnant. I know how scary that 20ish week ultrasound is and I always go in hoping for the best but trying to be prepared for the worst. Here's to everything going fantastic for your appoitment. :0)